


Sokka and Zuko's Excellent Adventure

by libertarian_firelord



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (not really) - Freeform, 420, Copious amounts of weed, Crack, Dank nugs, Dankness, Everybody must get stoned, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Crack--but not crack: it's weed., I don't even know what universe this takes place in, I'm Sorry, Sokka and Zuko are basically Harold and Kumar, The dankest, Weed, What is point, ayyy lmao, kush - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 22:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8914654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/libertarian_firelord/pseuds/libertarian_firelord
Summary: The boys take Bob Dylan's lyrics--Everybody must get stoned--to heart.  Or to the head.  Or to the lungs.  Whatever.   Don't smoke weed and then attempt to operate heavy machinery.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just a crack AU idea I had one night, after seeing a comment on a picture about how the iconic “That’s rough, buddy” conversation just sounds like two stoners when taken out of context. Obviously, Sokka and Zuko are basically the brotp, (after Han Solo and Lando Calrissian, obviously, but y’know). But what would happen if one evening they decided to get stoned? Long story short, this idea made me giggle hysterically, and so I shall share it with you all. Maybe it's just me. Who knows. 
> 
> Also, don’t even ask what universe this takes place in. Bending, war balloons, Fire Flakes, and seal jerky are all things that exist, but so are Bob Dylan, the Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd (cause if you’re gonna get stoned, you need good music to get stoned to).

“Dude, you know your sister’s gonna kill us if she finds out, right?”

“So? It’ll be worth it! You know what Bob Dylan said,” here he sang in a nasally voice. “ _Everybody must get stoned!”_

Zuko just sighed as he flopped back on Sokka’s ratty old couch, resigned to his fate. “Where did you say you got this stuff again?”

“Ask me no questions—”

“And you’ll tell me no lies, that’s right,” Zuko finished, remembering their earlier conversation about the joints in Sokka’s backpack. The couch shifted slightly as Sokka sat down next to him. Music began to play softly from Sokka’s speaker system. Zuko silently took the proffered joint, and waited while Sokka lit his.

“Dude, this is gonna be so good—it’s White Lotus, after all--Some of the strongest stuff there is!”

 

\---

 

White smoke curled lazily from the joint to the cloud hanging around the ceiling as Zuko took a drag.

“Hey man…”

“Hmmmm?”

“You know what sounds _really_ good right now?”

“Whaaaat?”

“Fire Flakes. I need like…at least 40 pounds of Fire Flakes.”

“Yeeeesss…and jerky! Seal jerky!”

“You’re a genius, Sokka. Truly, a genius.”

Sokka slowly rose, and shuffled his way over to the pantry. After a bit of searching he let out an indignant squawk.

“What’s wrong?”

“WE HAVE NO FIRE FLAKES _OR_ JERKY!”

“WHAT.”

Sokka ran and grabbed Zuko by the shoulders, and yelled, “YOU HEARD ME. THIS IS A SERIOUS EMERGENCY!”

“SHIT” yelled Zuko, a panicked look in his eyes. “WE NEED TO GET TO THE STORE, PRAT-STUCKING FRONTO!”

Suddenly, a thought seemed to hit Sokka. “TO THE WAR BALLOON!” he yelled.

 

\---

 

Five minutes later, the two young men were outside Sokka’s place, in the back yard, trying their hardest to get the craft airborne.

“Mother fucking shit,” Zuko muttered. “I can’t get this fucking fire to light!”

“But…but…you’re…AHAHAHAHAHA,” Sokka lost it.

“What’s so funny?” asked Zuko, despite the grin threatening to split his own face.

“You’re a firebender…and you can’t light the fire!”

Zuko stopped for a moment (or two…or five), then suddenly burst out laughing. Soon both boys were rolling on the ground in hysterics.

“Wait…wait…I know what will work!” gasped Sokka.

“What?” wheezed Zuko.

“We must summon the spirit of Jim Morrison!” He pulled out his phone, and somehow managed to pull up YouTube. Moments later, “Light My Fire” was blaring from his phone’s tinny speakers, and Sokka began to dance in what Zuko assumed was supposed to be a ritualistic way. Zuko returned to a bending stance.

Between Sokka’s off-balanced bodily movements, Zuko pointing at the war balloon with an intense look of constipation on his face, and Jim Morrison singing softly in the background, somehow, the fire got lit.

 

\---

 

As they chugged along through the clouds in what they hoped was the direction of the store, Zuko held his hand out to try and feel the fluffy white masses passing them by. Sokka just looked on in wonder and amazement.

“Hey man…do you think clouds have feelings?”

“I don’t know man. I think they do. But only good feelings.”

“True. I guess that means I’m not a cloud then. ‘Cause sometimes I have bad feelings.”

“Dude. I wish I could be a cloud. Not have any cares, just float around above the earth. Be all puffy and good-feeling-y. Yeah.”

A few moments passed in silence, both contemplating the emotional depth of the passing clouds.

 

\---

 

“ZUKO I THINK WE’RE BEING FOLLOWED.”

“SHIT.”

“THERE’S THIS SUPER SCARY DARK CLOUD THAT’S TOTALLY FOLLOWING US.”

“HE MUST NOT BE HAVING GOOD THOUGHTS. BUT SOKKA—LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, THERE’S THE STORE!” Zuko pointed down towards a building below them. “WE’RE SAVED! BUT WE NEED TO DECEND— RIGHT NOW!” At this, Sokka slammed a lever to its stop, and the small airship practically dropped out from under the two boys. Screaming, the two boys clung on to each other for dear life as the balloon plummeted earthward. ~~~~

\---

 

Having sprinted into the store screaming about evil clouds (and upsetting several small children and their mothers in the process), the high-flying duo were standing, gazing in awe upon the most stupendous thing either of them had ever seen.

“Duuuuuuude.”

“I know.”

“Look at it!”

“I know—it’s beautiful!”

“The snack food aisle!”

“It’s just…snacks…for miles…I think it’s endless!”

“And such variety!”

“Chips…crackers…pretzels!”

“Soda…candy…and...” Sokka’s gaze landed upon a package of wrapped meat. “SEAL JERKY!” he shouted triumphantly.

Suddenly, a heavenly chorus seemed to sing out in angelic voices. A beam of light shone down from the ceiling, illuminating the object of Zuko’s desire: Fire Flakes. Zuko gazed in stupefied admiration. His golden (but bloodshot) eyes began to tear up.

“They’re…they’re beautiful…” he grabbed box after box of the spicy snacks.

\---

 

Stumbling up to the cashier stand, they dumped their haul onto the conveyor. The cashier looked at them skeptically, and they began to giggle again under her scrutiny. However, the credit card reader soon captured their attention.

“Dude. I just swipe my card. And…and it pays for my food!”

“How cool is that?!”

“It’s like magic. But. With more science!”

“Because numbers are science. And science are numbers. Is. Is numbers. Is number?” They both broke down laughing again.

 

\---

 

Having somehow gotten their purchase (total: $96.82) back out to the war balloon, the two jumped in and managed to get the contraption airborne again. As the world fell away beneath them, Sokka suddenly turned to Zuko and said,

“I just had _the most_ important realization.” Zuko looked at him, the question written on his face. “We’re getting high… _while we’re high!_ ”

“Duuuuuuuude. It’s high-ception!”

“Ayyyy!” they chorused at this development.

 

\---

 

“Hey man, am I flying ok?” Zuko looked around, and replied.

“Nah, man, I think we’ve landed.”

Sokka looked around to see trees and shrubbery surrounding them, with grass flat underneath the war balloon. “Oh yeah.” They were back in Sokka’s backyard, having narrowly missed the neighbor’s fence and Katara’s Jacuzzi. There was also a 20 foot divot in the ground behind the semi-wrecked balloon.

“Dude, your sister would kill us if we wrecked her hot tub.”

“True. Ayyy you know what? We need to listen to some good music.”

“Yes. Music. To enjoy with the food.”

“Yeeaahh man.”

 

\---

 

As the Grateful Dead’s album _Terrapin Station_ began to play in the background, Sokka and Zuko once more slumped onto his old couch, clouds of ganja smoke curling lazily to the ceiling.

“Man, these guys are amazing. The lyrics are so meaningful, y’know?”

“Yeah dude. It’s just…like…wow, man.”

“Who knew mere mortals could think this deeply, man?”

Suddenly, Sokka froze. Zuko looked at him in mild concern.

“Wait. Wait a minute.” Said Sokka, as he began scrabbling at Zuko’s Fire Flakes. “What if—and hear me out here—what if we… _combined_ the Fire Flakes…and the seal jerky?!” At this, he took a handful of Fire Flakes, and a small chunk of seal jerky, and popped them both in his mouth. He promptly began to weep.

“What’s wrong?” asked Zuko, shaking his friend gently by the shoulder.

“What’s wrong, you ask? No man, what’s _right!”_ he sobbed _._ “This is the best idea I’ve ever had!”

Intrigued, Zuko took a few Fire Flakes and a chunk of jerky, and ate them. The resulting explosion in his mouth blew his smoke-addled mind.

“It’s like…there’s a party…in my mouth! And Jerry Garcia is in charge of music! It’s heavenly! You’re a genius, man! You always called me jerkbender, but I think _you’re_ the jerkbender!”

Sokka let out a small noise of protest, and Zuko continued on. “Nah bro, not in a bad way, but like, in a good way—cause you bend jerky. Therefore, you’re a jerkbender!”

“Ah, hey! You’re right! I’m a jerkbender!” exclaimed Sokka joyfully.

“Not just _a_ jerkbender, _the_ jerkbender!”

Sokka’s grin almost broke his face.

 

\---

 

After the final chords of _Terrapin Station_ rung out, the record began making a _hisss-POP hisss-POP_ , indicating the end of the record. Zuko turned to Sokka, and said, “Hey man, that’s the end of the record. Wanna listen to _Dark Side of the Moon_?” At this, Sokka suddenly began to tear up and started blubbering.

“No man,” he choked out in between small sobs, “My first girlfriend man…she turned into the moon! I don’t wanna hear about the dark side of my first girlfriend!”

Zuko coughed and turned to look at his friend, and said with all the wisdom and sincerity of a thousand Buddhist monks, “That’s…that’s rough buddy.”

 

\---

 

After a short argument, they had eventually decided on Pink Floyd’s album _Wish You Were Here_. But somewhere in the middle of that record, it all came crashing down. The door opened, and _she_ walked in.

“Hey guys, I’m ba—” Katara was cut off mid-sentence when she gagged on the smoky air. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” she yelled. “ARE YOU GUYS SMOKING POT IN HERE?!” Both Zuko and Sokka had the decency to look mildly ashamed. Her eyes scanned the room—she saw the empty snack packaging, she heard Pink Floyd on the stereo, she could _definitely_ smell the weed in the air. She went on. “I swear, I thought you two were better than this. Sokka, I am sorely disappointed in you right now. And as for you, Zuko, what would your uncle think of this?”

Zuko just looked at her for a moment, then started to giggle. Katara took exception to this.

“And just _what_ is so funny to you, mister?!”

Zuko sobered up just enough to say with a false posh accent, “Why, Miss Katara, you are looking particularly honorable tonight,” before collapsing in another fit of giggles. Sokka joined him on the floor laughing. Katara just rolled her eyes, turned on her heel, and marched right back out the door. This only made the duo laugh harder.

 

\---

 

“Iroh, they are _smoking pot!”_ Katara said, marching into Iroh’s office, “I don’t know what they’re smoking, or where they got it, but it must be some strong stuff! They are _off their faces!_ They’re listening to Pink Floyd for heaven’s sake! I mean, who on _earth_ still listens to Pink Floyd?!”

“Ahhh, do not trouble yourself so, Katara. Such is the nature of adolescent boys. They are prone to silliness—why, you should have seen some of the shenanigans _I_ got into at their age!” Katara huffed. “And as for where they got it, I may know a thing or two about that too…” Iroh tried to look as innocent as possible. Katara groaned.

“Don’t tell me…” Iroh chuckled and opened a small lockbox nearby, in which lay several joints, a grinder, and other marijuana paraphernalia.

“I find it helps with the joint pain in my old age. But when a curious youngster, such as your brother, comes by with questions, I must at least try and point them in the right direction!”

Katara just groaned defeatedly again.

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. That was a thing that happened. If it isn’t painfully obvious to any of my 420-friendly readers, I have literally zero experience with marijuana, and so have no actual idea about the effects of smoking it or what it feels like or whatever. This was basically just an excuse to have both Zuko and Sokka have an extreme case of the munchies. 
> 
> This developed in a conversation on Facebook with Amateum (That and the cinematic masterworks "Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle," and "Up in Smoke."), and then this whole thing was cranked out in one sitting. If the ending seems abrupt, it’s because it was 3 am at that point and I really wanted to go to bed. But hey, it’s a crack fic, so most rules don’t apply. So there.


End file.
